Life is short...

Hello guys,
It has been awhile i didn't write anything in my Blog. Lol. Well, I'm quite busy with my clinical years. I was started my clinical years 3 months ago at Hospital Serdang. It was fun but sometimes, I'm quite depressing because I don't have enough knowledge. haiz....

Saya juga dipilih menjadi ketua kumpulan posting Perubatan ini. Saya agak tertekan dan penat sebab saya harus menghubungi supervisor sebab nak tanya bila kelas kami yang seterusnya. haiz. dah la takda kredit nak sms dan call...haiz...i also have to sms my friends to inform them whether we have class or not...haiz..haiz....

during this posting i've learnt a lot from Dr., friends and seniors. hehe...my 1st venepuncture was on Iban guy named Mathew. i still remember him, coz i was the 1st person clerked his histroy!! However, sometimes i couldn't manage to take blood from patient because of some reasons. For example, they are too fat, the veins are so narrow, can't see the vein, they refused....bla bla...

overall, semuanya ok la...MOCK exam?...hurm...i think...ok la...hehe

currently, i'm doing surgery posting at Hospital Kuala Lumpur and Hospital Serdang. Frankly said, i still blur about my new posting. but, i hope i can learn and study slowly!

oh ya... i was shocked about the 3 students from UTAR who died last sunday (1st Nov). I realised that life is so short. we even don't know when we will die!!!! They are so young to die...and....for me....so sayang la...hurm.....i'm quite sad about the tragedy even i don't know them.

oh ya...i got new nephew last 2 weeks....hehe....his name is Travis Casper....omg...i can't wait to see and hug him.

hurm....about my life here...ada sikit tension la....haiz..so many problems come....study...friends....family.......love...
wtf....i couldn't take it anymore... i hope i'm not exist in this world..(hahah)....but it's true...i really stress about those things.

whatever... i hope those fuc**** things will gone soon....go away from me..wth...bluek...

haro gasi...mantad baino...blog ku nopo nga hid dusun no dih.hari gopiok insaru moi pambasa blog ku....sumandak larak....aaratan oku noh kopio...kindat...kad tai bo...maan ku nopo da kopio yom...siuritos oku noh dih kabang dau ....mokirayou noh bogia kopio....oondos poh kanto gia rih....miagal podit osonong noh kopio yau hiti pomogunan.....oilaan ku bogia rih....kouyu uyu da tomod doho..haha...baya nopo la....minsiriba nopo kad molohing lohing....intaan ih koimbagu....koi koi...haha

bah...manhattan project....intaai toko noh ondum owonsoi ku kio...ehe

Confession of a broken heart...but...fighting Joel...

Ungu - Cinta Dalam Hati


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bahagia untukku

reff:
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tuk ucapkan selamat tinggal untuk selamanya

dan biarkan rasa ini bahagia untuk sekejab saja

Hey Joel...This post is to myself. Hope No one will comment this post...hehe..blek....

Few weeks ago, I've face a problem that very hard to explain. It's about a "Bad Love". It's Love that not allowed by nature...maybe??

I realised that, nothing I can do to protect that relationship. Every efforts that I put were just meaningless. That person even didn't trust me anymore. That person...ZE...decided to end just like that....I really can't accept the reasons why we were broken up. Almost 5 months we were known each other and suddenly ZE left me just like nothing. ZE thinks that it was the best way to solve our problem. I really hurt....in damn hurt that time....

Maybe I'm not good enough? Maybe I'm not love ZE enough?Maybe I'm over-controlled? or.........

Since then....I know, Love alone is not enough. It needs trust and humility. One thing I've learnt from this sweet memory is Love doesn't care who we are.....

I just hope ZE will happy with new life....new boyfriend....and new beginning...

This is maybe my fate.....loving a human...and that human didn't love me back...But it's ok...as long as that human will happy always....and I also will happy....

It's been a long time I kept this feeling that I love ZE very much.....and waiting ZE accept my heart and love....But it's ok if ZE reject me....I only hope the best for ZE and my love will never fade away to ZE....

I just want to tell ZE that I will always waiting....waiting to fall in love again...

Even I have to wait for a long time....it's ok....

and I hope this feeling will remain in my heart.....I hope no one will take it away from me.....I hope no one will appear in my life...I hope...no one will come and be my new .......hurm...

I wish ZE best of luck in everything you do......

Thanks for everything you've done to me.....

Thanks for hugs you gave me....and I miss it....

Last but not least....I will start a new life...without grief......I will prove that you are wrong for leaving me alone...in the middle of my journey.....

Don't worry...I will take care of myself....and be who I should to be.....Live in my own culture....Being a true medical student.....and never trust anyone....unless....my heart will re-open again by someone who is more better than you.....

I love you......

2008 evalution

2008 thought me so many things either good and bad things. When I think back what I've done for a year, I can see so many disappointment than happiness. I did so many BAD things than GOOD things. When I look into mirror...I say to myself, Joel...What you've done...what you've done...what you've done.... Maybe some people knew what I've done...and it was so horrible things. Haiz... I learnt so many things throughout this year. I learnt the meaning of sincerity, friendship and love. I also learnt about lies..and psychology weapon that I did to many people or more correct...victims. Believe or not...I can make people 'fall' infront of me ...begging and crying....just for 48 hours. haha...I know it's wrong to do that. No good.

2008... I bought many things that are quite expensive(expensive for me...maybe not expensive for other people...lol)..for example, my clothes, jeans, pants, shoes, handphones, specs, camera, and etc. Oh God...this is how I used the scholarship. Forgive me oh God.

2008...also thought me how to study like crazy. haha.... I used 15 hours everyday to study... reading like hell, memorising like hell, understand like hell and everything is like hell. Well, people always said that, learning is a part to success..Yeah, I believe that. So, to release my stress because of my study.... I spent my weekends to go to watch movie, hang out with my friends, go to church and sometimes sleeping and chatting with my friends. Haha, see...how I waste my time.LOL

The 4th day of 2009 give me a lot of vision to do this year. However, I don't like to share what are my visions for this year. LOL....Maybe next year, I will pleased to tell you. I hope so.

Last but not least, enjoy our life, enjoy what you doing, happy and smile in every troublesome.. and Trust Jesus. He leaves us never.....

Hurt

HURT

Seems like it was yesterday

When I saw your face

You told me how proud you were,

But I walked away

If only I knew what I know today

Ooh, ooh

I would hold you in my arms

I would take the pain away

Thank you for all you've done

Forgive all your mistakes

There's nothing I wouldn't do

To hear your voice again

Sometimes I wanna call you

But I know you won't be there

Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you

For everything I just couldn't do

And I've hurt myself by hurting you

Some days I feel broke inside

But I won't admit

Sometimes I just wanna hide

'Cause it's you I miss

And it's so hard to say goodbye

When it comes to this, ooh

Would you tell me I was wrong?

Would you help me understand?

Are you looking down upon me?

Are you proud of who I am?

There's nothing I wouldn't do

To have just one more chance

To look into your eyes

And see you looking back

Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you

For everything I just couldn't do

And I've hurt myself, oh

If I had just one more day

I would tell you how much that I've missed you

Since you've been away

Ooh, it's dangerous

It's so out of line

To try and turn back time

I'm sorry for blaming you

For everything I just couldn't do

And I've hurt myself..By hurting you

when u hurt someone...u will blamed like hell. When u hurt, no one cares. It's not fair to be like be like this....not fair. I'm not be the best...but i don't want to be the rest. I'm trying so hard to protect our relationship...but seems, I'm just the only one who do that. You never help and take any action. The word "bye" that u always said.....seems...it's the end of everything....I don't know how much you care about me, how much you honest to me....but I hope...There is NO LIE between us......I'm hurt....I'm Hurt.....really Hurt......that I even couldn't bear it alone....I'm hurt....How could this happen to me?....

Friendship

Who is friend to you? For me, friend is someone who very closes to you and know everything about you. He/she besides you when you get in trouble or problem. He/she encourages and give you support and never betray you. I got a few friends that very damn closes to me. haha....For example, Roney, Wilson and Hembray. They are very closes to me and they know almost 90% about my life. Surprisingly, we are cousins. hurm. So, what are the most important things that should exist in our friendship? Do you know why those my friends above still keep in touch to me and our friendship is still going on even we are in different places? Because...the most important in friendship are, understanding, honest, love, trust, share, humble, humour, tolerance, careness and listen. So, having friends is good, but keeping friendship is hard. In short, friend gives a lot of meaning to me. Friendship forever....

For my friends that I didn't written his/her name above, sorry....haha... I got so many friends, so can't mention all of you.

1 month to 3rd sem final exam

Now, I'm already in the 2nd year medical school. Overall, medicine isn't easy. Trust me. It needs a lot of commitment and time. This coming December, I'll sit for my 3rd sem final exam which is consist of 12 subjects. OMG.... I hope i can pass in this exam. I believe in God, and i believe that He is helping me.... Sometimes, I can't believe that I'm in UPM and doing medical study here. Because, I'm not good enough in academic...lol...than the other students. May be, it's due to lack of confidence in myself. In other word, lack of of self- esteem. Lol... By the way, I know why I am here, what is my ambition and why I chose Medicine. It's all about LIFE. Talking about life, we know that life is short and we become older and older. I remember 1 quote..."aging is bad but it is interesting"....haha...I don't really know what is the meaning of this quote. ...lol. Then, average age of man to live is 70 years old and for woman is 75 years old...It's not long, isn't it? I'm 20 years old now, and I still have approximately 50 years to live. What I'm gonna do within this period? Yeah, I have my own vision, dreams and all that stuff. I hope I can achieve it and later live without regret. I'm sure, all of us also want to do the same thing, right? Well, live happily, enjoy what are you doing and trust God that He Chose you.... not to be the tail but to be the head of all people. Peace!!